The Fixation on Being the “First”

Disclosed Reflections

Last week, I collaborated with some friends to hold an event called “TransFocus: A Trans* Film Festival”. Together, we were able to hold the event independently from any party, collective or organization working in Lebanon in order to explore different spaces of activism that I have not been accustomed to work in previously.

One of the policies that we followed was limited media exposure and to some degree, we resisted any coverage from foreign and non-local media outlets. The few reporters who did reach out to us to cover the event were turned down and we talked to them on the reasons for such. We resist that our event be made representative of the Trans* community and the (non-existent) Trans* movement in Lebanon.

The event ran from November 29th till December 1st and we really enjoyed the discussions that were raised within and the new spaces that we were discovering. As we…

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Helium Balloons by Adam Younes

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Our secrets are helium balloons. Hold on to them, they stay intact. Let go of them, they emerge into space, and if you are one of those whose luck turns on them, your helium balloons would probably become in peoples’ mouths, laughing as they divulge them.

I am one that holds a lot of secrets. I try, with all my power, to hang onto my balloons. But it gets harder when your they are propelling upwards, slipping slowly out of your grip. It is harder when emotions kick in. It gets harder when you feel like a stranger to yourself, to your family, to your friends. You split apart. You start living double, or even multiple, lives. Nothing turns out as planned. You become depleted. Thoughts become dispersed, and the mind, in attempt to keep pace with the perpetuated lies, drains your energy.

Perhaps one of my heaviest balloons…

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